When Tomorrow Starts Without Me

 

When tomorrow starts without me,       and I'm not there to see; If the sun should rise and find your eyes all filled with tears for me; I wish so much you wouldn't cry       the way you did today, While thinking of the many things       we didn't get to say. I know how much you love me,       as much as I love you, And each time you think of me,       I know you'll miss me, too. But when tomorrow starts without me,  please try and understand, That an angel came and called my name and took me by the hand, And said my place was ready       in heaven far above, And that I'd have to leave behind       all those I dearly love. But as I turned to walk away,             a tear fell from my eye, For all my life I'd always thought       I didn't want to die. I had so much to live for       and so much yet to do, It seemed almost impossible       that I am leaving you. I thought of all the yesterdays,       the good ones and the bad, I thougth of all the love we shared       and all the fun we had. If I could relive yesterday,       I thought, just for a while, I'd say good-bye and kiss you       and maybe see your smile. But then I fully realized       that this could never be. For emptiness and memories       would take the place of me. And when I thought of worldly things       that I'd miss come tomorrow, I thought of you, and when I did,       my heart was filled with sorrow. But when I walked through heaven's  gates, I felt so much at home. When God look down and smiled at me, from His great golden throne. He said, "This is eternity       and all I've promised you, Today your life on earth is past,       but here it starts anew. I promise no tomorrow,       but today will always last, And since each day's the same day,       there's no longing for the past. But you have been so faithful,       so trusting and so true, Though there were times you did some things you knew you shouldn't do. But you have been forgiven,       and now at last your free. So won't you take my hand       and share my life with me?" So when tomorrow starts without me, don't think we're far apart, For everytime you think of me,       I'm right here in your heart.

By David Romano

A Mask I Wear

There are tears behind my smile

And a mask I wear...it's called denial          

Life is tragically to real

From this loss I will not heal

No one has a single clue

How much it hurts...my losing you

Although they think I'm doing fine

Sometimes I feel I've lost my mind

Memories are all that I have left

After this terrible life theft

A heart that hurts beyond control

Deep down to my very soul

There are tears behind my smile

And a mask I wear...it's called denial

I have cried with and without tears

And have been doing so for years

I have found no place to hide

Carry all of this inside

No earthly words that do explain

The kind of life that does remain

I look for signs most every day

That you are close...not far away

I play a game within my heart

As if you never did depart

There are tears behind my smile

And a mask I wear...it's called denial

Missing you my special child

When you were here I truly smiled.

By: Grieving Mothers

Dear  blog,

I haven't written in a while because I'm in a place where I find few words.

 The poem "A Mask I Wear" pretty much sums it all up for me.

I find myself in a place where I am forced to live my new life whether I choose to or not.

I have flash backs of every detail of that dreaded night that now haunt me; playing like a bad 

movie over and over again. I wonder how it could have been different, what I could have done

different,     ............................   all the what ifs!

I find myself rushing outside just after a storm hoping to see a rainbow, a glimpse of you my 

son. Yes, I AM chasing RAINBOWS :(

                                                     

I miss you sooooooo much everyday, my heart 

aches.

I cannot wait for this life to 

pass ....... to see you again<3<3

.....................  but until then, I will enjoy the 

blessings that I DO have. My husband 

Steve, my son Tim and

my beautiful grandson "Noah", my 

beautiful daughter Niki, her husband

Khalil and baby Kai (we anxiously await your birthday!!)

I love you ALL.

                                                                  

                             

                                                                               

MISSING YOU!!

MISSING YOU <3<3


I sit alone now in the darkness of despair.
I cry my silent tears,
My heart is broken into a million tiny pieces.
The silence is deafening to my ears.
The darkness frightens me,
The shadows climb the wall.
I hear footsteps walking,
Passing through the hall.
The loneliness surrounds me,
It takes my breath away,
This is the pattern of my life,
Since that awful, dreadful day.
Without a clue
Without a hint
Of what was yet to be,
God called you home
To be with him
And took you away from me.
I walk, I talk. I carry on
When the sun pokes out it's head
But when darkness falls                                      
And evening comes
I cannot go to bed.
For this is when I miss you most of all
When I curl into a little ball
And cry those silent tears.
Watching the shadows,
And missing you.

Listen to CharleneMHeisers Playlist

Don't Tell Me

Don't Tell Me...

Don't tell me that you understand, don't tell me that you know,

Don't tell me that I will survive, how I will surely grow.

Don't tell me this is just a test, that I am truly blessed,

That I am chosen for this task, apart from all the rest.

Don't come at me with answers that can only come from me,

Don't tell me how my grief will pass, that I will soon be free.

Don't stand in pious judgment of the bonds I must untie,

Don't tell me how to suffer, don't tell me how to cry.

My pain is all I see,

.............  But I need you, I need your love, unconditionally.

Accept me in my ups and downs, I need someone to share,

Just hold my hand and let me cry, and say,

"My friend, I really do care."

Missing you everyday Evan,

Luv momma 

<3<3

Stuck in Pause .....

..It's been a while since I've been able to come back and blog. The passing of the four boys, Devaughn, Cody, Nick, and John recently have left me stuck in a place I call "PAUSE". That's the best way I know how to describe it. Maybe I would still be in this place without that event. My heart goes out to each and every family member that is now forced to now grieve as we do.

Today, ........  Friday and raining quickly takes me back to the day we lost you Evan. It seems like yesterday. As I sit here at my desk I glance over to a calender that's been here for a while; never really thought about it until today.

It too is STUCK IN PAUSE as I see the last day I crossed off is August 13th, 2010!!

I find myself in a place that desperately wants just to hear your voice Evan. I need that fix right now to keep me going. The familiar scent of you from your bedroom has now begun to fade as well.
              
                 OH, HOW I WISH TIME COULD STAND STILL!!
                    
............  but it keeps moving ........ the seasons are changing so fast ............ and the days and months seem to be moving faster and faster which only remind me of how long you've been gone.

I wish heaven had a cell phone. Just saying  ..............

Miss you so much Evan .....

... we never received the instructions on how to say GOOD BYE!

Today our hearts are heavy. We know all too well the intense pain of the families who now too have to figure the best way to say good-bye to their children.

When our children, our gifts from GOD were given to us we quickly received tons of books, magazines and peoples help on how to grow our children up, but we never received the instructions on how to say good bye!

            Children are not supposed to die ... Parents expect to see their children grow and mature. Ultimately parents expect to die and leave their children behind ....... This is the natural course of life events, the life cycle continuing as it should.

The loss of a child is the loss of innocence, the death of the most vulnerable and dependent. The death of a child signifies the loss of the future, of hopes and dreams.

We now stand in the gap and pray for the families that lost their sons in the tragic accident only a few short days ago. May the community continue to be a force of strength to all.

We pray for the students that lost their buddies, the moms and dad's that lost their sons, the sisters and brothers that lost their brothers, as well as the grandmothers, grandfathers, aunts, uncles, nieces and nephews.

May the lord give each and everyone the strength needed to rise up each new day, may you never stop saying "I love you" to the ones you love and may you never take another day for granted.

WE LOVE YOU BOYS AND WILL SEE     YOU AGAIN IN HEAVEN.